Thought pool.

For the past few months, my life has been glowing. I have been glowing. I have had so much to be astonished by, excited and grateful for, and inlove with. And honestly, there has been so little to complain about. Life has been…I can't even think of a half-adequate adjective to quite describe how inlove with life and things and people I've been. And as my usual routine of things predicts, I have done an incredible amount of thinking. In my head…always. On the growing list of things that take up my thinking-time…

School. I'm finally so close to being done with Sierra. I realize I've said that about a million times, but surely my friends, I actually mean it this time. This coming semester brings to a close my chapter on Higher Learning General Education. And this, brings me an immense amount of joy. A little laugh gets caught in my throat when I talk about school…even when I'm mentioning my 6 year run at Sierra, lol. I have an appointment with the CSUS Transfer Counselor in August! I know I'll spend at least a year at CSUS…and I'm excited about it, funny enough. I'd like to look around at other universities and possibly transfer, but for the immediate future I'm more than content calling CSUS my first university experience. It most certainly won't be my last.

Career. I won't kid around and say that I've finally figured it out, because I'm still far from it. I will say, however, that I'm finally in a place where I realize that I can do ANYTHING. I can be a teacher or a professor…for as long or as little as I want. I can write. I can change things…my mind, my life, the world. I'm still very intrigued by the Sociology world and thus plan on declaring that my major. Finally, lol. And I'm still incredibly impassioned by Women's Studies and thus will declare that either my second major or my minor. I get a little giddy about it.

Marriage. Not that I'm getting married, or even in a relationship, lol, but I've finally reached a state of mind where I can say almost (The "almost" comes in because I genuinely feel that if the man I want to spend the rest of my life alongside really wants a wedding, I'd be more than happy to give that to him.) certainly that I will never marry. I'm most certainly not insulting the act of marriage, or anyone who chooses to marry, I honestly think it's one of the most beautiful acts two people can partake in. But there really is no draw for me. The idea of an elaborate dress, and vows, and toasts, and an aisle, and whatever else, just isn't for me. I mention this as something I'm excited about because for awhile I felt a familiar combination of embarrassment and discomfort with a pinch of shame when talking about it. But I don't anymore. And it feels great.

The Versa. I'm so inlove with my nerdy little car, it's ridiculous. I was petrified at the thought of car payments (Especially for a contract of 5 years.) but the joy of actually owning this car (Or paying for it, technically speaking, lol.) sent the fear elsewhere. So next time you see a little blue Versa with some woman dancing around and singing while tootling down the street, wave, it's me! But if it's not, she still deserves a wave, haha.

Me. The last year of my life has been a HUGE transition. I've lost about 80 lbs., a physical change I thought I'd never realize but have. I have no reservations about saying how proud I am of myself and how great an accomplishment it is. But the change that my mind has gone through can't be weighed on a scale or formed into words (These particular words haven't been thought of yet.). I see the entire world so differently that the person I was just a year ago seems like an old best friend whose path has taken a turn mine won't. I love her and cherish her and while my heart will never let her go, she becomes more and more a stranger. I'm quite nostalgic about it all, like that was a different lifetime or something, but it was just a year ago. Sometimes I think I'm a completely different person, but then I realize that nearly the only thing that has changed is that now I really am myself. It's just now I don't have the same walls and inhibitions and fears and insecurities that dressed me a person everyone thought was Carolina. I rule! ;)

My relationships. Some are deeper than ever, and some are just blooming…others are changing. It's all leading to a place of growing happiness. It's getting beautiful in here.

My future. Some of the pieces of my puzzle are right where they should be, others haven't found their correct spot and need be moved. Some are loose about while others seem to not even have made it out of the box yet. Known and unknown, past mistakes and future ones, accomplishments and successes…it's all welcome. I'm nervous and excited, in just the perfect combination, which is a feeling I relish in.

I'd hate to come across cheesy or soap-boxy or self-absorbed…because there's no intent of any of that. I'm just happy.

It's quite lovely.

On Fireworks.

I attended yet another Rocklin Jubilee this year...and as always was more than pleasantly surprised.

Sitting underneath the night sky with hundreds of people, family, friends and strangers, with eyes wide and chins up. It was perfect.

They make my insides flutter. They make my skin tingle. My breath gets caught, and it almost feels like it's getting sucked into the pit of my stomach. And I watch, eyes as wide as they can open, smile broad as can be, my face lit up in gold and silver and a rainbow of other colors. And with every explosion of light I get lost in the moment completely.

It's amazing to me how seemingly random combinations of compressed chemicals can create the kind of spectacular beauty that are fireworks.

And the only thing better than simply being lucky enough to watch the fireworks?

Having Ray Charles sing, "America the Beautiful" in the background. That my friends is one of life's few perfect moments, and it literally brings a tear to my eye.