The last month of my life has been made up of a series of moments that have left me speechless, excited and completely in love with life. And it all started with a blink.
One moment I was living my usual life of safety nets and habits. I had a carefully choreographed life that, while it wasn't a sad life in the least, it certainly wasn't anything near the standards I had set for myself as a child. And if you ask me, those are some of the most genuine standards one will ever have; you developed them before you knew how to be insecure and scared. And despite my living in routines and habits, one spontaneous moment took hold and that was it. In one world shaking blink everything changed, and I couldn't possibly imagine ever being happier.
I blinked and he said the words I had been waiting to hear.
I blinked and he was standing there in front of me.
I blinked and his life was a part of mine, and mine was a part of his.
I couldn't have predicted the beautiful stream of events that took place, nor would I have believed you if you had told me it would happen. This is my life. I'm still having a hard time believing it, but I'm incredibly grateful for it all the same.
Sometimes all it takes to turn your world around can happen in the time it takes to blink.
Man, I love blinking.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
On Certainty, part 2.
How do you explain a feeling that leaves you speechless? That nearly leaves you unable to formulate words and sentences?
I don't know. But I'm attempting it anyway.
I fell in love with a person long before any of my conscious senses were even aware of its possibility. One moment we were strangers separated by three quarters of the United States and the next moment I was dizzy from the flips my stomach did at the mere thought of him. He quickly became one of the most important people in my life and from the very moment I met him I knew that I never wanted to live without him in my life. I knew my life would be beautifully intertwined with his and I looked forward to every new second spent with him.
We hit the requisite bumps in the road; we tripped, skinned our knees and in some instances, face planted on what felt like gravel. And even when some of my closest and most trusted companions thought I was crazy for holding on, I continued to hold on. Even stronger. I wouldn't let go. I couldn't. Because I knew...
I knew that despite how painful it was, how heart broken I was, how skeptical everyone was, that this was something you don't let go of. Something that you fight for in the face of opposition and doubt. It wasn't something fleeting or a fire easily put out. It was the thing that I had always dreamed of and never gave up on searching for, so why would I give up now?
I knew that even though I felt battered and bruised and crazy for holding on that it would be worth it. The pain wouldn't just make me stronger, it would make the love stronger. It would create a love that wasn't just fresh and new, but tested and found to be more durable and more resilient and more unconditional than before; an undying love. The kind I had started to think only existed in dreams.
But most importantly I knew that it would work out. I was certain. There was a constant feeling of knowing that even though it was hard and others didn't understand (sometimes I didn't even understand), that the love would win. And it did.
The certainty that I had always felt wasn't just a naive hope; it was the courage to keep holding on, the strength to not give up. It was the feeling in my gut that knew despite all odds, all doubt, all opposition that if I didn't give up, neither would the love.
A whole new world of life is opening up to me and I am grateful for every new sight, sound, smell, taste and touch. I would go back and relive every painful scrape and fall a million times because it only adds another spectacular layer to my story; lessons and feelings that can't ever be duplicated, that are mine to cherish and mine to grow from.
I have yet to find words that could do this feeling justice. I don't think I ever will...
It is that amazing.
Here's to certainty.
I don't know. But I'm attempting it anyway.
I fell in love with a person long before any of my conscious senses were even aware of its possibility. One moment we were strangers separated by three quarters of the United States and the next moment I was dizzy from the flips my stomach did at the mere thought of him. He quickly became one of the most important people in my life and from the very moment I met him I knew that I never wanted to live without him in my life. I knew my life would be beautifully intertwined with his and I looked forward to every new second spent with him.
We hit the requisite bumps in the road; we tripped, skinned our knees and in some instances, face planted on what felt like gravel. And even when some of my closest and most trusted companions thought I was crazy for holding on, I continued to hold on. Even stronger. I wouldn't let go. I couldn't. Because I knew...
I knew that despite how painful it was, how heart broken I was, how skeptical everyone was, that this was something you don't let go of. Something that you fight for in the face of opposition and doubt. It wasn't something fleeting or a fire easily put out. It was the thing that I had always dreamed of and never gave up on searching for, so why would I give up now?
I knew that even though I felt battered and bruised and crazy for holding on that it would be worth it. The pain wouldn't just make me stronger, it would make the love stronger. It would create a love that wasn't just fresh and new, but tested and found to be more durable and more resilient and more unconditional than before; an undying love. The kind I had started to think only existed in dreams.
But most importantly I knew that it would work out. I was certain. There was a constant feeling of knowing that even though it was hard and others didn't understand (sometimes I didn't even understand), that the love would win. And it did.
The certainty that I had always felt wasn't just a naive hope; it was the courage to keep holding on, the strength to not give up. It was the feeling in my gut that knew despite all odds, all doubt, all opposition that if I didn't give up, neither would the love.
A whole new world of life is opening up to me and I am grateful for every new sight, sound, smell, taste and touch. I would go back and relive every painful scrape and fall a million times because it only adds another spectacular layer to my story; lessons and feelings that can't ever be duplicated, that are mine to cherish and mine to grow from.
I have yet to find words that could do this feeling justice. I don't think I ever will...
It is that amazing.
Here's to certainty.
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