What if.

There is a sign posted outside of this church I pass, almost daily, and every time I pass it I read it. I know it hasn't changed since yesterday, but I read it anyway. And I think about it.

"What if you only had one month to live?"

Now for anyone who knows me, I'm not a religious person in any typical sense. I've never been to a "real" church sermon, or mass, or whatever it is the different religions call it. I've never read the Bible (And let's be honest, I probably never will.). I don't believe in "God" or "Jesus" in any particular way...and definitely not in any Christian way. So the thought doesn't hit me in a religious way...it just hits me.

Every time I pass this church...every time I reread that sign...I am momentarily stopped in thought...

What would I do if I found out that I only had one month to live?

I would tell you I love you. That you stop my heart every time I think about you.

I would tell you that you're being unreasonable. Selfish. Ignorant. Disrespectful.

I wouldn't let my insecurities, my fears, my worries stop me from being all that I am.

Which is sassy. Smart. Beautiful. Sincere. Intriguing. Imaginative. Wild. Illogical. And so much more.

I wouldn't play down the things I excel at.

Or let the things that I don't excel at get me down.

I wouldn't be afraid to step on toes, and cause ripples in the water because you know what, it needs to happen.

I wouldn't let being "uncomfortable" stop me.

I wouldn't be afraid to look out for myself and I would know that if someone is offended by it that it is their problem and not mine.

I wouldn't just know that I am worth it, but I would act on it, too.

I would act. I would do. I would move forward with my eyes wide, my mind open and my heart hungry. Hungry for what it deserves: unconditional love in return for all the unconditional love it gives.

I would take.

Life by the horns.

And make no apologies for it.

I would get on that plane.

I would look you dead in the eye and tell you exactly what I think.

I would push forward through obstacles, leap buildings in a single bound, and cross the bridges that I've always wanted to cross.

I wouldn't burn bridges, but build them. I'd also realize that some bridges aren't passable anymore...and that some aren't worth crossing again.

I would let my heart overflow and not feel embarrassed.

I would shake sense into you. And you. And you.

And definitely you.

I would tell you that you're unhappy and it's because of the choices you've made...so stop blaming others.

I would also tell you that you're strong enough to change that. Because we both know you are.

I would stand still for just a moment and take in as much as I could through all of my senses. And I would cherish it...every sound, sight, smell, taste, touch and thought. I would cherish it because I would know it will never be the same as it is right now.

And that doesn't mean it won't be better...because damnit, I'll make sure it only gets better.

And I will know that I deserve better, too.

I wouldn't take you for granted. I wouldn't take the gifts that I've been given for granted...or the lessons I've learned, the moments my heart has stopped, the tears I've cried, the words I've screamed, or all the lives and hearts I've touched. I wouldn't take ME for granted.

But really...it comes down to one simple thing: If I only had one month to live, I would do just that. I would live.

Not live. But LIVE.

Loud and proud and beautiful. I would laugh and love and learn.

I would thrive.

So why would I wait until I only had one month to live? Why do things like that only seem important when we have a definite end point?

Why does "death" cause us to want to live?

Shouldn't we want that during every second of our life?

Shouldn't we DO that every second of our life?

Yes.

Simply yes.