On the bright side.

Life. How does one explain it, let alone understand it? I couldn't even begin to tell you.

I guess you could begin by breathing. Which I am again, on my own accord. I am no longer gasping for breaths, nor am I frantically anticipating bursts of oxygen to surge into my lungs. I am steadily, deliberately, and joyfully inhaling life. It seems like a long time coming.

I couldn't really tell you what changed. When it changed. Or in what capacity it changed. But it did...something did. Perhaps my outlook? My state of mind? Whatever it was, I am grateful. And I am excited.

I'm excited about life again. About doing things. Everything. I've found that recently, the last 2 weeks most obviously, I've found a new stride to life. A different rhythm. More strength. Deeper motivation. I'm not really all that interested in where it came from, mostly I'm just happy that it's arrived. Simply.

Thinking has become clearer. Talking has become easier. Laughing has become something as necessary to my life as breathing. Something just as natural as oxygen. It's amazing. And even my dreams have changed. They're more vibrant and telling...more like good conversations than flashes of strangely arranged colors and feelings. And still, I couldn't tell you what, when or how it all changed.

I lack a better metaphor than that of a flower. Or even closer to my reality, a seedling that has just barely popped the surface of the earth. Things were tough. They were challenging, and there were moments that I truly felt might break me down. Times that filled me with the fear that I'd never see the sunshine, and that even if I did, I might already be wilted.

But as I see it now, it was a lesson. Extreme learning, if you will. I'll admit that it wasn't my favorite lesson, and that if given a chance I might still want to choose a different one, but rather than fight with life, I choose to accept it. And more importantly, allow it to make me better, and not bitter. Let it nourish me, not destroy me. A simple choice really. Though not to be mistaken with easy.

Easy wasn't a part of this lesson plan.

So I've broken the surface. Perhaps my toughest endeavor yet. But the fruit of my pain, my tears, and my struggles? Life. Or to further my already too cheesy "seedling" metaphor: sunshine. And lots of it. It gave me strength. It gave me knowledge. It gave me some strange, new found appreciation of life.

More importantly, however, it gave me, me. There is a trueness of oneself that is developed and found during such dark times in life.

And all this isn't to say that things are the picture of perfection, or even the picture of something somewhat resembling what I hope will be. There's still a lot of work to be done. Things to learn. Things to accept, others to change. Yet it doesn't mean that I'm not happy with where I am...because it is a definite sign of where I will go.

I am hopeful, and determined, and excited. And that is enough...

More than.

Here's to the Bright Side.